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The good ol' days...where my pictures would scream PICTURE WHORE!!!!
Pictures...I don't take many pictures anymore. Everything I try to take seems so...clique? What's the word? Hackneyed? lol...it just does though! Gah! I can't seem to find anything but gorgeous girls to motivate me to try to take some sweet pictures recently. I have one cool psycedelic shot of this bench in the forest. Kinda represents my world...if the bench represented that one comfortable thing in life that I know to make sense, but the farther away from that truth, the weirder life seems to be. 
The dude's taking me to Cali with him for a month! That's so awesome! Free room and board, food, transportation, and maybe a lil extra pay along side of it.
I don't play piano as much as I used to, and this kind of upsets me. It upsets me in the same manner that not going to college at the moment does; or in the same manner that my pictures don't seem as profoundly contrasting to each other does. It's like I can, but I don't see a need to. I don't have any really challenging music, I don't have 23K for SCAD, I don't have the cannon rebel EOS; I just play, portray, live how I feel. Luckily, my "song" isn't so sad, but kind of...hopeful?
Sometimes I wish that people could see why you act like you do/did. I mean, I was a really HURT, LOST, naive lil boy throughout all of high school. At least when I 1st went to West Monroe Jan 2002, I liked people for people. I just wanted to get to know people and be friends. But for some reason I don't wanna tell on here, I began to hate everything. And priorities changed.
I don't know how many people can relate, but I really made a U-turn relationship wise. I became relationly stupid, and idiotic. I stopped paying attention to how people reacted, and stopped 2nd guessing how one would react to my initial or secondary response. Why? I mean I wish people would KNOW why. I've been asked why many times, but who asks a lion trapped in a cage why his eyes are filled with tears. Does the lion ever know why he's in a cage? All he knows is the wild, and the wild, and freedom, the love of life has been stripped of him. And for what? Someone's personal amusement!
I hope this isn't sounding like a "free the lions!" speech, cuz lions would prolly start eating random people if you let them out of their cages, but I'm trying to use symbolism to tell my story. I HATE WHAT I BECAME, and now I've spent about 7 months straight to fix it. Unfortunately, it's so deeply intwined in me, that it'll take prolly 3 more years of patience and constant friends supporting me unknowingly. I wish that people would not try to get so close to me with the high expectation that doing so will allow them to help me out. It doesn't...LOVE for others and LOVE for self is a choice. Sure, you could try to dwell on the FEELING, but when you start living LIFE in relationships, which hopefully won't be the 1st week, you realize you have to choose to love someone/yourself.
If you're still reading this...pat yourself on the back. I only posted this in light of my own feelings, which seem to come out of my writing or typing of such thoughts. This is how I feel, and why I really was relationly stupid to you. Few were patient, many were confused. Confusion is normal; I obviously had to surround myself with the weirdo's who were patient. I don't know what they saw in me, or what God sees in me, but HEY, I know I have a purpose, other than to fulfill my emotional ups and downs, or live up to my dad's expectations, or buy my mom her mercades C-Class, or this and that, and it feels SO GOOD! I wish I could emphasize it more, but I mean if you want to search for what I've found, the surface I'm starting to breach, "ye who seeks will find." .
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Think hard about this!
Excerpt from Matrix Reloadedthe oracle:
Candy?
Neo: You know if I'm already going
to take it?
the oracle: I wouldn't be much
of an oracle if I didn't.
Neo: But if you
already know, how can I make a choice?
the
oracle: Because you didn't come here to make the choice;
you've already made it. You're here to understand WHY you made
it.
Thought of the day
If you've never thought about it, today may be your last. Such a statement, if taken as a statement of truth, and not as a miserable fact, could shape the world into beoming radical people, ready to live each day out to its fullest! How can you make today better than the last?
-Josh G. |
way things are going, it looks like I'll be lucky if he hires me. That job would be so fun! You have no idea...but 
